by Ouyporn Khuankaew
My
Personal
Experience
I
grew up in a traditional rural village located in the north of Chiang
Mai. Over
thirty years ago, when modernization had not yet reached the village,
our way
of living was mainly influenced by
Buddhist and local cultures. With no electricity, tap water and unpaved
roads
the community was completely
economically self-reliant. The temple was our main community
center for
both religious and social life. The temple abbot was from our area and
he was
very committed to his practice and the Dhamma training of the young
novices.
When someone was sick he would go visit and conduct ceremonies to ease
the
mental suffering of the sick one. In return for his spiritual guidance
the
community took care of the temple material’s needs. It was a tradition
that the
best food was always given to the
temple first. Most of our lives, either personal(birth, sickness and
death) or
communal(weddings, house warming,
funerals and festivals) were always connected to the temple, monks, and ceremony
My
father was a very devoted Buddhist. If he could have afforded to, he
would have
donated lots of money to the temple. As an elder man my
father had a very close relationship to the temple and with
the abbot. My father did not drink but had several wives. He was a very
generous person but very violent and controlling both as a husband and
a
father. In those days poverty was a common suffering for many of the
village
folks. However, the difference between my family and our neighbors was
the
constant violence in our home. I still recall as a young child that I
did not
feel bad about being poor, but the constant
fear of violence that could happen at any moment was the most
difficult
part of my childhood. When we did not
have food to eat we could go borrow from our neighbor, but when our
father
threatened or beat us we could not go
anywhere asking for help. And nobody came to rescue us. The abbot would
go
visit the poor, the sick but when a man was beating his children or his
wife he
did not go to save them.
Only
when I became a feminist in my late twenties could I make
sense of what happened during my childhood. The experience
of domestic violence made me committed
to feminism and non violence work.
I
was not interested in Buddhism until my early thirties. When I look
back now I
wonder if the reason I was not interested in Buddhism in my adolescent
life was
because I could not take refuge in
traditional Buddhist culture when I experienced violence within
my home.
With feminist spectacles I
started
looking for what Buddhism offers to ease the suffering of women
in
particular. Two main important elements of Buddhism really touched me.
One is
the declaration of the Buddha that women as well as men can achieve
enlightenment. Because of that the Buddha himself allowed women to
become monks
more than two thousand five hundred
years ago. This was very powerful and liberating for me as a woman
because they
were actions of justice, equality,
balance and harmony.
My Working
Experience
Part
of my work over the past seven years has involved reducing violence
against
women. I work with various Buddhist
groups in South and Southeast Asian societies(Burma, Cambodia, Thailand
, India
and Sri Lanka)on this issue through workshops on gender, violence
against women
and women leadership. One of the common forms of violence that we
discuss
is domestic violence. In every Buddhist
group we work with, be they monks, nuns, village women leaders, non
governmental or governmental workers, upper class women or refugee
women, domestic violence is viewed as private
affair, a common event that happens in the family, just like the tongue and the teeth that often collide with each
other. Thus, no individual or institution acts to protect or rescue
those who
are the victims.
When
we discuss the roots cause of domestic violence we find that Buddhist
tradition
and beliefs are one of the major roots. How and why could that happen when the Buddha ‘s words concerning
women were so liberating and encouraging of women ‘s potential?.
First
let us look into how Buddhism performs its roles in these societies.
The
countries mentioned above except India,
follow the Theravadha tradition. It is the school of the elders, which
means
that it is the most traditional and conservative as it follow the
origins of
the teachings written down by monks
many hundred years after the Buddha passed away. In my view, when
something is
traditional and conservative it often
means that it is suppressive of women. Patriarchy has existed many thousands of years and when one says
that we should keep the tradition it also means keeping the patriarchy. In these countries, except Sri Lanka
where full ordination of women was
recently revived, women can not be ordained as
monks. The reason given is
because the tradition of women’s ordination is already lost or
that such a tradition never existed. Here we
see
very clearly how Buddhist
institutions and monks are
using tradition to perpetuate
patriarchy. These traditions are used
to preserve Buddhism, but, ironically are against the Buddha ‘s words
and
actions.
When
we discuss further other Buddhist
traditions and beliefs that contribute to domestic violence and other
forms of
women oppression, we find numerous
examples.
In
Buddhist societies where women are not allowed to fully ordain as
monks, women
are often told by monks that being born as a woman is a bad karma; they
have to
accumulate lots of merit makings so that in the next birth they will be
born as
a man and thus can become a monk. This belief makes women feel inferior
and
thus, accept whatever gender-based violence that happens to them as
part of
their fate being a woman.
When
a women asks guidance from a monk when
her husband causes her suffering(such as having another woman,
beating,
gambling or drinking alcohol)the monk ‘s main advice is for her to
maintain
patience and compassion. Often time the monk will say karma is the
cause of
this suffering so she can not do much except be patient and kind to her
husband
so that one day the karmic force will cease and everything will be
fine. We
found that that kind of advice is
not only the belief of the monks but it
is a common belief among Buddhist people including women
themselves. This kind of karmic interpretation is very
strong and it is one of the factors that keep a woman in
a marriage even when her life is in danger and keep all the
neighbors and community leaders away from domestic violence. In
Cambodia, where
domestic violence is the most common form of violence against women, we
were
informed that this interpretation of
Buddhist karma is very deep-rooted.
The
interpretation of karma here is not complete. If we look at karma as an
individual act we can say that a woman is suffering because of her
karmic
choice to marry a violent partner. But it is not karma from her
previous life
that made her become a victim. It is structural violence influenced by
patriarchy that makes women become victims of violence at home, at work
and in
public spaces. We know that in every institutions that influences our
lives men
are the ones who hold power, be they family, education, media,
politics,
religion, or legal and economic systems. Thus, decisions, rules and
standards
in society are made based upon their needs, values and beliefs. This is
structural violence because women who
constitute half of the population in every society are not
participating in
decision making that affect their livelihood. This structural violence
is both
the cause and factor that hold up all forms of women oppression.
Structural
karma is a higher level of karma that is caused by the social and
cultural
context that each individual is
living in. It is collective because it is
the accumulated acts that are committed by each individual living in
the
society. This structural karma is very important, much more important
than the
individual one as it is a force that influences individual
karma. Both karmic interpretations together help us to
come to the right understanding about the problem of violence against
women.
This structural karma of women’s oppression is caused by several factors such as poverty and war, but the main root causes are values and belief systems about the roles and pictures of women and men. These are the images perpetuated through family, school, media, and religious teachings. In all places that we asked workshop participants how women and men are viewed and valued in their society, the followings were the answers:
Women
are weak, thus, cannot be independent. They need parents or husbands to protect and guide their
lives. Women are supposed to be good
listeners and good followers of their parents or husbands. Once married women
are
the property of men, and have to
be loyal to their husbands. Widowed
women are view as worthless. Women’s roles are as mother and housewife.
They
are the ones who are expected to
preserve cultures and traditions .
These
beliefs influence women to feel
subservient to their husbands. It makes
society and even women themselves
believe that they got beaten
because they did
something wrong, were not being good wives. The
belief that
women can not live an independent life and that once
married are the possession of their
husbands or that a widowed woman is worthless makes it very difficult
for a
woman to get divorced. We heard from
workshop participants from India and certain ethnic groups in Burma
that
parents forced their desperate separated daughters to go back to their
husbands. Even when cultures and tradition are oppressive to women,
they are
raised to believe to preserve them.
Next
let us see how men are viewed and valued in these societies.
Men are
protectors, ones who sacrifice,
leaders of the household and community, the
bread winners, ones who are
trustworthy, ones who are strong and
brave, confident and wise.
These
beliefs makes men think that they are better, stronger and more valued
than
women. Once married they believe that
they have a right to lead and control their spouse and children. When a
wife is
not behaving in a way that they were raised to believe in then it is
alright to beat her in order to correct
her behavior.
The
monks, just like most of us, also grow up with this belief and value
system.
With this understanding we can see why
monks always tell the woman to
be patient, compassionate and accepting
when her husband abuses her.
Because the monks do not have the knowledge to understand this problem
from a
structural level , or in terms of collective karma, they can not see a
holistic
way to help the woman. We can say that the monks do not have a complete right action in their Dhamma advice to women
who are victimized.
From
our experience teaching feminist counseling in this region we found
that most
people including psychologists ,counselors and health workers who are
dealing
with the victims of domestic violence often fall into this trap as
well. This
informs us that the belief and value system that each of us carries is
deeply
ingrained in our minds and actions. Without the right understanding and
mindfulness to see this issue clearly, instead of alleviating suffering
we
might end up perpetuating the
oppression of the women, both at the individual and structural level.
Part
of the resistance to the feminist movement in the region is the claim
that
feminism is a western concept, thus is not relevant to Asian cultures.
For us
women, speaking out about how we are oppressed is breaking the silence,
which
is the first step of liberation. But because in our cultures we are
expected to
be followers and listeners, not speaking
our minds, women who do not follow those images often get
criticized and attacked.
One
of the strategies I use to deal with this reaction is to find allies
among men.
Men need to learn to take
responsibility to change this oppressive system that they are part of.
Whenever
I can I co-facilitate the gender-based violence workshops with the
monks or men
who are supportive of our cause. Through working with some monks I have learned that there are some Buddhist
teachings about family and relationships that clearly talk about how
the
husband should treat his spouse and the equality in their partnership.
These
are teachings I had never heard before in any preaching given by monks.
Even my
monk colleague said that because of my request he had to go through the
text to
look for them. This incident implies that when monks are the only ones
that
have power in the institution, not only can they interpret Buddhist
teaching
based upon their worldview but they also can be selective on what teachings they like to give to the public.
Most
traditional(patriarchal) societies do
not have much to teach the men, the ones who hold power and control in
the
family, about how they can use their
power well in a way that supports peace and harmony. When the issue
comes to
the legal system, be it in a police station or a court, the outcomes
are often
not favorable to women as those institutions are also very patriarchal.
In
general monks never talk about domestic violence or particularly preach
to men
about the role of a good husband. The emphasis has always been the
responsibility of a woman to improve and tolerate her husband. We also
know
that in general monks have little knowledge about worldly life let alone understanding about domestic affairs since
they do not live worldly lives themselves.
The
issue of domestic violence has to be
dealt with different angles. First we have to check our own views on
this and
make sure that when we encounter a view of our own or our friends’, we
can
handle them with skillful means. To be
able to do that we have to delete the messages reflecting those wrong
views,
values and belief systems
that are ingrained in our
mind. The images of men and women that
are based upon the biological differences, the view that domestic
violence is a
private affair and the belief that it is a fault of a woman.
In
order to counter the messages we have received that oppress women, it
is
important to replace them with new messages. Wherever we can we have to give new messages to people we encounter
be they children or adults. These are some examples.
Domestic
violence is not a family affair: friends, community and institutions
have to
intervene. Often times the victimized woman is isolating herself
because she
feels ashamed. Since nobody comes to
intervene she thinks that nobody cares to help her and thus, dares not
ask for
help.
Women
and men have only a few biological differences. For examples, women can
give
birth while men can not, women have menstruation but men don’t, women
can
breast-feed and men can not. But the qualities of human
potential women or
men have equally or can develop if they
are given the opportunity. These qualities are patience, leadership
skills,
household skills, raising children skills, confidence, wisdom, bravery,
being a
bread winner for the family, compassion, and physical and mental
strengths.
There is
an urgent need to support women to have full ordination in Tharavadha
Buddhist
countries. Also, where the situation is not yet ready, the white robe
nuns should be given full
support in their legal status and education. These women can help other
women
who are experiencing trauma because they themselves are women(many were
married
before entering the nunhood) and thus know the problem of women better
than
monks. It is also safer for women to go ask for help from the nun or
female
monk. Monk education has to be
reformed. The Buddha teachings about family life and partnership should
be
taught to monks, nuns and the public.
This article was
printed in the July-December 2002
issue of WBF Review.